All I want is just to wake up with you, kiss you goodmorning, make us coffee and breakfast and then you’ll get up all sleepy, halfdressed and beautiful, hug me and kiss me, and we’ll sit down and eat, thinking how lucky we are.
How many times should I whisper “I miss you..” in the air? I imagine you hearing me inside your head, looking at the distance, thinking “I miss you too” and I can almost feel your whisper on my skin. Your eyes are the cause and the heal to my heartache. It’s been long since missing you hurt that much and tonight I’ll sleep with your face behind my eyelids.
I miss the fire in your eyes, that look you had the day you left, staring at me like burning your way into me. In the cold light of early morning you looked so beautiful, I kept the memory of your face as a photograph pinned on the front of my head. Always there whether my eyes are open or closed, whether I’m awake or asleep.
I want to trace your collarbones like they’re made of sand. So softly. I want to stare into your eyes and watch them get lost. Kiss the little hollow places on the bottom of your neck and hear your breathing change to the rythm of my kisses.
I’m planning of moving to London with my boyfriend (and a friend of his) on 2013 or 2014, depends on when I finish university… I seriously can’t stop dreaming about this but I know I mustn’t because it’s 2 years from now and you never know what happens or what can go wrong in two years… But oh god, I’m so psycho about it I even searched for flats to rent…..! And I said I’ll be cleaning all the house and cooking and be the best girlfriend in the world if we can get a flat with backyard garden..! He’s going to study music and I’ll find a job and attend fashion/photography/acting/writing workshops and be the happiest person!!
Today I moved out from what had been my university apartment for 4 years… It was my boyfriend’s apartment but I started living with him from the first month together.. Last night I said goodbye to friends (who I’m gonna see again so it wasn’t very sad) and then went with my boy and lied on the tarace, watching the stars. It was our last night with a home there. We saw the most beautiful falling star… it kept falling for various seconds and it was amazing.. (He said this goes on the list of the most wonderful experiences he’s ever had with me). Today our dads came to help us move out and I left first and didn’t have time to look at the house and cry - I really was trying to hold my tears, especially when he sat on our - used to be - bed.. I’ve been feelling sad for several days now, of course there are so many amazing things I couldn’t do there and I’m sure I’ll have a far better time here, in my hometown but this place was where all the magic between us started… When I watched him wake up everyday and hug me and kiss me..I don’t know it’s too much unforgettable memories… He said I shouldn’t be sad because we’ll live together again but I’ll have to wait at least 2 years for that and I don’t know how I’m gonna get used to not having him 24 hours a day around…
take more photos (of outfits, people and beautiful things)
buy more books
start writing again
take painting classes
find affordable ballet classes
These past weeks have been so busy with exams and an approaching moving out and I really need to start doing inspiring things for myself again. I also plan on decorating my room and I’m sure it’s going to feel so much more dreamy and like me..!
The first time we met was when we were 17 (our last year at high school), at a tuition center (because teachers suck and all students take extra classes to get better grades), and because he was from another school he was the only one I didn’t know there. As he told me later, he fell in love with me from the first time he saw me back then. But I didn’t until a year later.
When high school ended, we happened to get into the same university, so we met again in this other city where our university is. There were other old classmates there too, so at first we all hanged out together, and as time passed I began thinking more and more about him. One day we were playing cards and drinking wine all together and it just happened; I don’t know how but it was totally like the movies: I saw him smiling and laughing, suddenly so beautiful, and everything went silent around and everything moved in slow motion, and like that I fell in love with him. We spent the whole night staring at each other and after some days he confessed he had been in love with me for a year or so and didn’t want to delay telling me anymore because he was afraid of losing me, and that he wondered if I felt the same. I still remember how stupid and awkward I acted because of stress but I also remember how unbelievable was our first kiss.. It was his 18th birthday.
Today his green eyes were so bright, against his pale skin and black hair… I melted softly every time we stared at each other, his eyes burning like the sun with desire. A desire that burns my insides and leaves me insatiable, as I can never have enough of him.
My name is Christina. I get lost in imaginary worlds and sometimes find star dust in my footsteps.